Whole Life

My Not so Famous, Famous Pea Soup

2012-01-17T15:34:00.000-08:00

Ok, for those of you who have asked, here is my pea soup recipe. So Simple, So delicious.

Ingredients:

1 bag Yellow Peas (or green, or black eyed, whatever floats your boat)

1 onion

2 Ham hocks (or pork chops, ham or any other type of pork you like)

Salt to taste

Directions:

1. Follow the instructions on the bag for soaking your peas, most peas like to be soaked overnight, but some also have a quick blanching method as well. Strain, rinse and add to slow cooker

2. Add chopped onion

3. Add Ham

4. Cover with water and add some salt-

5. Cook on low if you plan to be out of the house for more then 8 hours, or on high if you want to eat within 5-6 hours. (be prepared to be blown away with the delicious smell)

6. When it is finished cooking you will have to pull apart the ham (I use a fork and just flatten it up against the pot, it is extremely tender), or if you've used a ham hock, or bone in pork chop, take the complete hock/chop out of the crock pot and remove the meat from the bone and discard the fat- carefull, it will want to fall appart. Put the meat back in the slow cooker.

7. Taste it, add salt to taste.

**note if it looks like you're running out of liquid, just add more water.

I like to serve it with coarsely ground black pepper and bread or crackers of some sort. It is fantastically hearty, healthy and delicious. I love meals that have few ingredients and taste superb!

Oh yes, and as you may have noticed, I store my soup in mason jars in the freezer for those cold winter days when I just need a hug of goodness. Quick reminder, when you are freezing in glass jars, do not fill them all the way to the top, leave room for the freezing process (expansion). Also another note about freezing in mason jars, they go directly from the my lunch bag into the microwave at lunch, all I need is a spoon. Oh ya, don't put the metal lid in the microwave!

Enjoy!

Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship & Life Together (Thomas Nelson Inc.)

2012-01-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

A marriage of 20 years has guts to spill, stories to tell and lessons to teach. Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace have done just that in their new book Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, & Life Together. Of course this book is not a detailed account of their sex life, as many I am sure are hoping, instead it is a book that shares the truth about what can happen in a marriage, what can end a marriage, what totally messes up a marriage and what can be done to start healing in a marriage.

This book is a heavy read, every page is packed with punch and opportunities to better your own marriage, sex life, and life. It’s a page turner, arming you with information that your mother forgot to tell you. We all waltz into marriage with our own ideas of what it is. Usually it’s an idea that a marketing company, an author, a TV producer or someone in our lives has given us.

If you are married you’ve probably been hit square between the eyes with an eye opening reality, about 3 months into your marriage, that this might not be exactly what you signed up for. Everyone else’s marriage seems to be fine, you figure yours will be too, someday it will measure up and be okay, or you concede defeat and grin and bear it. This book is a tool to change your marriage from a grin and bear it to a marriage filled with joy, great sex, and real communication.

It doesn’t just stop there, it is packed full of questions, that as Christians, we’ve all asked ourselves; Can we do that?! You know the stuff that you wouldn’t dare ask your mother, you’re too embarrassed to ask a friend and you certainly wouldn’t want your pastor to find out you’ve tried a few of them. Mark and Grace bring a biblical perspective to the questions you thought you’d never hear a pastor answer honestly, thoughtfully and prayerfully.

The final chapter is chalked so full of quality life changing tools that it, in itself, could be a stand alone book.

This book will change your life if you let it. It can be read and shelved, or it can be read and applied. Depending on which you choose your life and marriage will be better for having just read it.

Advanced Reader's Copy of the book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.

Available at your favourite bookseller from Thomas Nelson

Check them out here: http://pastormark.tv/

Holiday Shmoliday.

2011-12-16T16:35:00.000-08:00

So Christmas is approaching like a train on a one way track. Am I ready you ask? nope. But does that actually matter, have I ever been ready for Christmas when it sneaks up on me every year on the 25th of December. Again, nope.

But this year it seems as though my holiday cheer is hiding from me. I can't seem to get into it. My heart isn't quite bubbling as it usually is when there are but 10 days until Christmas. Am I getting too old? Is my house not "Christmassy" enough? Have I not spend enough money? None of the above, yet for some reason, it just doesn't feel like Christmas yet.

I've been listening to carols, singing along, spending time with family and friends and still, it just feels like the holidays are so far away.

The only thing which feels remotely like Christmas is that I had my annual mini meltdown yesterday, and the day before. Yes annual, my Hubby reminded me that I have one every year. Just for that I am thinking of bringing on the full fledged melt-down-o-rama on his hinny* this year, like a hammer... ok so I won't- but it could be a new Christmas tradition :)

So I am feeling the overwhelming sensations about Christmas, but where is the joy? the ridiculous giddyness, the fun stuff? Maybe I need a drink. Maybe I need more time. Maybe I need to think about all of the fun Christmas was when I was 7. Or maybe I need to just enjoy the journey and know that even though it feels different, it is still the most wonderful time of the year.

*hinny |ˈhinē|

noun ( pl. -nies)the offspring of a female donkey and a male horse.(we use to this as a nice way of saying ASS- hence the donkey reference, I had no idea- but use the word all the time- dang it, ya learn something new everyday jackass**)
** Now this got me thinking and look what I found: First of all a Jackass is a male donkey, so I'm thinking a female donkey could be a Jillass. I'm probably wrong, but I digress - look what I found:
Jackass in Geography- oh my goodness, I love the internet.

Jackass Aeropark, an airport
Jackass Ski Bowl, ski resort, now Silver Mountain (Idaho)
Jackass Mountain, an infamous stretch of the Cariboo Road through the Fraser Canyon in British Columbia, Canada
Jackass Flats, Nevada, former nuclear-test site
Jackass Lane, a street in Anchorage, Alaska whose name was changed in the 1980s due to frequent street sign thefts

Alrighty, now I'm feeling more festive. Live long and prosper!M.

Times are a changing...

2011-08-23T06:49:00.001-07:00

So as we all know, time comes and goes, and things change- or not. Well not enough has been changing around here in terms of mullah, denaro, cents, bills, bucks, $$. So I have decided to revamp our personal finances. I have used Dave Ramsey's financial peace university before, and it was amazing (I shouldn't even use the word 'was', because it 'IS' amazing, I am just not the most amazing person at follow through). I am planning to beg, beg, beg our church to put it on again, so that I can go through the 12 weeks and start over again- but in the mean time, I am planning to 'git my own arse in gear and start (start shouldn't be the word to use, it should be continue, but as I said, my follow through sometimes sucks) asap!

Baby Step 1. 1000$ in your saving account for emergencies- had that, loved it, grew it, love it more, grew more, big bundle in savings account- then car died. Used emergency fund to buy new car. Now emergency fund is looking a little pathetic- so GOAL number 1, get it back there and FAST!

I understand why he does this, this is so you are not using your credit cards if you do have an emergency, and seriously, how many emergencies do you actually have when you have an emergency fund? let me just tell you out of experience, a lot less than when you don't have an emergency fund.

So that is what I am up to at the moment- now Dave says I should sell so much stuff in the house that the dog and the kids think they are next... I've never sold anything on ebay- maybe I ought to try that... I'm going on a junk hunt to see what I've got around my house to sell...

Anyone ever used ebay and loved it? how about craigslist? I am all for suggestions!

Well, I'm going on a junk hunt (my junk someone else's treasures, right?) I've also got some paintings to sell, if I wasn't so emotionally attached to everything I paint, argh! I'm cutting the apron strings, be prepared, you will see paintings of mine up for sale... get your chequebooks ready!

This girl is getting her arse back in gear.

Ciao!

Pics as Promised!

2011-07-26T07:23:00.001-07:00

So here are some pictures to show you just what I've been up to lately! The Mr. and I are celebrating 10 years together this year (yay!!)- so I decided to make him a beautiful sign. On this sign I placed all of the cities that we've lived in together and the KM they are away from us right now- in our home in Sainte- Julie QC (remind me to tell you how it feels to be the only English speaking member if the community sometime!)

Anyway Enjoy!

List:
Spray paint- whatever you can find- get creative and layer colours- oh and I never waited for any of them to completely dry before spraying on another colour.

Wood: again- whatever you can find- I used old wooden baseboards ( from my basement) some old trim and some really rough stuff from out behind the shed :) get creative! I cut some with my handy saw- others I broke!

I then painted on each board with acrylic tole painting paints- easy enough to find at the dollar store!

Next was to get them all attached together- I measured just how big it was going to be from top to bottom when placed in the order I liked- then cut 2 small 1x2s to fit- layered the painted pieces on top and with a nail gun- popped 'er all into place! Finished it off with some little round hangy things and some wire!

Et Voila! Ready for inspection and enjoyment!

Happy creating!
M.

All Things Beautiful

2011-06-10T06:34:00.000-07:00

Alright, so lately I have been working with my hands- a good thing, it keeps my mind busy and out of trouble.

My sister-in-law decided that she was going to start taking ugly things and making them beautiful. I think to myself, well I have some ugly things that could be made beautiful, lets see what I can do (Danger!!). Danger is right, I have officially been bitten by the bug of reducing (actually accumulating what others have reduced), reusing, and recycling. Taking the old and making it beautiful and sparkly new. Did I mention I was probably a crow in another life, I have serious issues with things that sparkle, shine, glisten, reflect light, this list could go on but let me sum it up by saying, well...I've got an issue with just about anything that might possibly be beautiful- but I digress.

All of that to say, I am thoroughly enjoying this new disease and I can't wait to post some of my projects, but just beware- it is an addictive hobby- buying something for 15$ and making it look like you spent a million- well ok, not a million, but at least 100$. Just remember you've been warned...

Happy Reducing, Reusing and Recycling,

Up to my Earballs.

2010-02-24T10:47:00.000-08:00

So I am up to my earballs in what seems to be everything today. I can't quite make it all come together, the shower is calling my name, the clock is ticking and it is snowing big fat blizzard like happy snowflakes out my office window. I can't contain the excitement, it reminds of Christmas, which isn't for another 300 some odd days, but those snowflakes still make me mad with happiness. Which in turn, spurs on my not so sporadic episodes of procrastination. Hmmm- I know what to do, I also know how to do, but apparently I only get motivated when approached with the 'Why?' do it. Why go buy dog food? (this one is easy, if I don't, Timothy, my 100 pound pooch will ultimately starve- and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for being so damned lazy. But seriously, why in the world would a dog food company not make a 100 lbs. bag of dog food? Other than the fact I wouldn't be able to carry it to the car, I still ask, why? Why 8 lbs. bags? Seriously? Why?) Again, back to the why, why should I get out of my comfy chair and start my day? Why should I shower, I just showered yesterday, and seriously how dirty can I get going from my car to the office and back again?! So why...

I guess the reason would have to be, because if I don't the world as I know it will stop ticking. The clocks will stop, I will ultimately start to stink to the point that even I won't be able to be in a room with myself... but my trusty 100 lbs. pooch, whom I will ultimately get my butt out of this chair to go buy dog for for, will be there for me. He will understand and perhaps even appreciate my stink. So on that note, I guess I better go get some dog food, so he doesn't starve to death and start to ask myself why?!

Why did I write this blog, you may ask? Because I am procrastinating from actually doing what I need to do... That's why! Whatever you do, don't get bogged down with the why... it is a vicious circle- get out while you can... oh and don't forget to shower!

And by the way, of you don't know what earballs are, those are what you are up to when you have so much work to do - can't think straight!

Cheerio!
M.

Love is Grand, in the Grandest of Ways...

2010-02-13T05:10:00.000-08:00

I posted this on a friends blog; her initial question was how you met in 100 words or less.

Well Duy and I, if you don't know, met in a yahoo chat room when it was still full of rapist and murderers- not really an interesting story.

From the moment we met, we have been inseparable - almost.... If you read some of my earlier posts you will see that marriage isn't all it is cracked up to be most of the time, and those butterflies... hmph... they leave pretty quickly and you find out you married someone who is just as quirky and unusual and as human as you are. Someone who doesn't always think it is cute when you throw yourself on the kitchen floor in a fit of "my world is falling apart~ I can't believe this is happening to me". For those who don't remember, I can be a bit of a drama queen every once in awhile. All in all, the butterflies are overrated. The best parts, are the parts in between, the parts you can't imagine until they happen. The feelings so deep you don't ever think you will get through them alive, the laughing together, the crying together- the together. That is what matters most. That's the best part.

So here is a story, one that I love, one that captures how I feel for Duy and how he feels for me. This is love in the grandest of ways, this is my love, this is my Duy.

Hey this won't be 100 words, and it won't be how we met, but you mentioned hanging your head out the window and declaring your love...

The other day I was stopped at a stop sign, and I see a car approaching that looks like Duy's (my Hubby's) So I am trying to see if it is him, as he rolls down the window, sticks his head out and slowly drives by yelling 'I love you' at the top of his lungs. By this time I knew it was him and I had my window rolled down yelling back. We were waving like maniacs as we crossed the rather large 4-way stop. Poor guy behind me couldn't help but wave~ maybe he was hoping the 'I love you' was for him ;)

It was grand! Love is awesome!
M.

Sometimes I think we need a little crazy thrown in with our serious side. It is definitely more fun than trying to be serious all the time... so roll down the window and shout it from the top of your lungs... I LOVE YOU. It might just make the world a better place- be careful of crazies, they will follow you home, but that story is for another day.

Happy Valentine's Day!

New Year- New Waddle?

2010-01-12T09:03:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this year I have decided that I will blog more, twitter more, facebook more, basically promote myself to the highest ability one can do oneself- without being an heiress of some sort. No heiress here, just me, a housewife who has 4 jobs - besides that of being a domestic diva of course.

So today I had a little altercation on with Mr. on his way out the door... he looked at me- radiant in my Christmas pajamas of course- took one look at me and said "What's that?!" my response was "what's what?" as he was pointing to my neck. " That!" he said as he batted my waddle.

Now if you do not know what a waddle is, you obviously never watched Ally McBeal in the late 90's. A waddle, as it was affectionately named by Greg Germann's character Richard Fish, is that little piece of soft skin, right under the chin, that 'older women' tend to get. Richard Fish found them seriously sexy apparently my Mr. does not feel the same way.

So this leads me to my new project. Operation lose the waddle (not to mention the extra 20lbs. I am carrying around on the back end- but that is besides the point). Waddles disappear with cream they say, well we will find out.

I received- after lots of begging to my sister who has the in with Avon, Avon's new age defying cream ANEW Night repair, for Christmas. Apparently it was a prophetic gesture on her end in preparation for the new waddle I possess.

If I am honest with myself... I did notice that my neck was slightly softer then usual- but I just thought it might have to do with the fact that I have recently lost a little weight, and that it would tighten up. I noticed it during a late night viewing of Sherlock Holmes. Funny thing is, what I remember most about that movie, is how soft my neck felt.

So I am officially on the hunt. Now with Avon's Anew cream- people say they have seen results in as little as 3 days. We shall see... If I see changes in as little as 3 days... I will sing their praises from here until eternity.

Waddles be gone!

Drinks? Can they tell a story?

2009-07-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at starbuck's (affectionately known as Buckie's in our home) watching and listening to what people order as drinks. Grande non fat soy milk latte, venti caramel machiato, grande in a venti cup skinny vanilla latte no foam, and on and on.

I'm watching and so far no correlation between peops and drink- other than the chubby people order the "skinnies and non fats". I understand why . I use to be a chubby myself and where ever I could save drink calories and eat them instead I would. It's like going to McDonalds and ordering a double BigMac with a Super size fry ( thank God they took this off the menu -the temptation is too great! ) Washing it all down with a litre of diet coke. Funny thing is I'd that I was already eating 2 days worth of calories but by having a diet coke I was keeping the calories to a two day caloric binge instead of three. Hmmm... Anyone else out there recognize a little of this reasoning? Or am I the only one?

Anyway all of that to say does what you drink reflect your personality at all?
Just because my choice of drink at buckie's is a decaf pike's place - does that make me boring? What about my main choice of drink- good old h2o. Water with everything! And what about when I'm out to dinner? Usually water- but when I choose to have alcohol it is usually a beer, a beer and orange juice mixed, or a gin and water.

So maybe underneath my boring vaneer of decaf coffee and water there is this crazy little gin drinking party girl that only comes out everyonce in awhile. Do I play it safe? Or am I just a calculated party girl?

I'd like to think that what you drink does tell a little story about who you are - but I also know that how I feel about myself at that moment is more likely what comes through when I am ordering my venti non fat decaf no foam no whip skinny vanilla latte!

Cheerio!
M.

Good Ol' Stomping Grounds...

2009-06-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

Old stomping grounds are very much like ancient sacred burial grounds of your past. They hold amazing memories and sacred feelings; things you have held onto and things you have chosen to throw away. I am away for a few days, in Calgary AB, a very sacred burial ground for me. So much has changed, yet nothing has changed. The people are the same, some have grown families, some have built bigger and better, some have done nothing more than repainted the house.

Calgary is where Duy and I started our life together... the feelings that flood in here are slightly overwhelming- but happy.

I guess I will just have to pack my bags more often and take more journeys to my sacred burial grounds... I will try to step softly for many dreams lie burried here, but so many more dreams have been born here...

The Hole in Our Gospel By: Richard Stearns

2009-06-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

My next book to read it: The Hole in Our Gospel By: Richard Stearns

I am very excited about this! I can't wait for the doorbell to ring and my UPS lady will be standing there in her stunning brown uniform (shorts very much included) and hand me my package and call me by name. I love her. She brings me books. Now if I could only remember her name. I might just need to re-read The Noticer by Andy Andrews.

Book Review! The Noticer

2009-06-10T11:56:00.001-07:00

The Noticer: Sometimes, all a person needs is a little perspective.

Andy Andrews

A cold dark place under a bridge in the small community of Orange Beach, Alabama soon becomes a place of hope and light as Jones enters the scene. Jones is a rambling man, a drifter who comes and goes. Everyone knows him and no one knows him. He is known as Garcia, Chen, and Jones, he is both black and white as well as Hispanic and Asian all at the same time. Although Jones is a man of metamorphosis he is consistent in noticing the things around him and enabling others to change their point of view, leaving a trail of light and hope where ever he goes.

I expected to enjoy this book, and within the first chapter I was hooked. This story resonated in me. I actually had to tell myself to put it down, I had other things to do, but something inside of me wanted to keep reading. It is filled with inspiration and ideas. Although this novel is not a “self help book” it will move you to make changes you perhaps thought were too big to do on your own. By putting your own life in perspective with these easy to implement ideas, you will come to realize how simple it can be and what a big difference a little change can make.

This book is an entertaining account of one man, whose life changed a community, and from this small community, it will go on to change a nation and the world. The story is a woven tapestry of fiction, allegory and inspiration. It is an easy to read tale of someone who has made a difference. Something each one of us, at one point, has wanted to do. This book summons us to make the changes necessary to do that.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a little change, even if it is just a change of perspective, or merely looking for a great read that will keep you turning the pages.

Happy Reading,

Already?

2009-05-17T08:58:00.001-07:00

So that all went to hell in a hand-basket really quickly, now we are both clomping around the house like idiots, hoping the other will notice our blatant disregard for them.

But wait a second, didn't I just make a commitment to be better? to do better? I know, had I not said anything about that, everything would be fine today... but I didn't did I? I made a commitment to be a better person, to put my relationship and husband first. Now I just need to know my next move- no, not mind games, but the real move, the one that will make things better, the one that leads to the apology and hopefully forgiveness-on both of our parts. [door slams] He is in the shower... maybe just one last thing before I apologize [toilet flush]. There now I will go talk to him. (ok, the last part about the toilet flush did (and is still going) go through my head. But I won't. Remember I made a commitment to be better... now I had better get started.

Falling in love; staying in love.

2009-05-17T06:39:00.000-07:00

So Duy and I are taking a break from church this morning, stepping back and connecting with each other and recharging ourselves in a place where nothing is needed from us, just peace, rest and the absolute understanding that we are good in God. Doesn't matter what we do, we don't need to do anything in order to gain His love- we can just be.

On that note, you must know that Duy and I rarely just "be" so as we are just "being" we are listening to Andy Stanley's sermon on Marriage and Love. He made this amazing statement that just blew me away; "falling in love takes a pulse, staying in love tasks a plan". This seems so simple, but I hadn't thought of it. We know "being" in love is an absolute decision that is made everyday- but making a plan? Who' da' thunk it? So my new job (yet another one, I think this makes 7 now) I am going to map out a game plan. Every single day, every decision I make is going to have to be working towards the goal of making our relationship the priority in my life. Duy is my most valued possession (no I don't think I own him, but he is the best thing I've got !) And for those of you who know me personally, you know he really is something special.

Let me know what you think? How do you make sure that your relationship is the most important thing in your life? How do you make sure that you are putting your better half above your self? Let me know what your plan for staying in love looks like.

Me, myself and I.

2009-05-15T14:37:00.000-07:00

So here I am back on my own Blog... I was asked to be a guest blogger on my husbands blog, which kinda makes me laugh because I could have milked this "Oh I was asked to be a guest blogger, discussing my design experience for this great new restaurant that is opening up in the greater Montreal area. I am very pleased and excited to be working on this project..." see how I could spin it? Anyway it is just me and Duy - the address is: http://ozengroup.blogspot.com incase you want to read us over there too. Man I should have been in Public Relations!

So things are really taking off for the restaurant, and I am feeling slightly saturated with, well everything. I am so excited, but at the same time I am scared. I guess when your your whole world takes a turn to something totally and completely different then what was originally planned, it is a real measure of your character. Sometimes I want to run and scream, this isn't what we planned. What is going on, this is not on my "things to do list"... that is all happening inside while I am reconfiguring my own ideas of what my life was going to be and enjoying the ride. Change is good, gets rid of all the crap you carry around and opens up opportunities for learning and growth- and God knows I need both!

So until next time, make a change- do something new, something so out there and different than your usual that you think you might just vomit! It feels good- promise!

What the?!?

2009-04-21T07:02:00.001-07:00

It all started with the wrong number- of course it is almost the deadline for taxes, and of course we haven't had ours done yet. So yesterday we call our accountant, after receiving an email from him telling us to call anytime yesterday- so we did, 3 times, left 2 messages, and finally a man answers the phone and tells us he is dead. DEAD?!?!? I freaked out- What? how could this happen, we were completely stunned and full of questions. We try to call the people that would know, can't get ahold of anyone. I'm checking newspapers, I have no clue how quickly obituaries are put online now-I mean, why not instantaneously. Actually why are we not wearing little chips inside of us that convey our health situation immediately to an online site- so when you are dead, your status ends up online - I mean dead- that would flash RED and LARGE. There would be no questions as to whether or not your heart has stopped. Maybe someday... who knows.

So next day - today, this morning, we finally get ahold of someone who would know- he laughs, tells us he just saw him yesterday, so this is starting to sound good. Phewff! He's alive!

All because of a wrong number- we eventually got our accountant on the phone, and did we ever laugh. We were so excited and happy! Everything was going to be great and not to mention our taxes will be filed on time... maybe next year I will learn to get things done faster.

Crazy Dog- or is he?

2009-04-20T15:04:00.000-07:00

So, someone (I assume the Hydro Man) tried to get in our back yard. All I heard was barking- off I fly to the back door, calling the dog, nowhere to be found. I take a look around and find the back gate wide open. I am feeling rather frustrated now, thinking how the heck did the gate get open? So now I am freaking out, the dog is gone, I am in my pijamas, he doesn't have his collar on, frik?!? What do I do now? I open the front door, the neighbour lady is standing backed up to her door, looking rather panicked and Timothy is sitting on the front step wagging his tail looking rather proud of himself. I laugh; makes me think, how often do I start to freak out when someone gets to close to my gate? Meaning when you ask me about something that I don't want to talk about, I start to bark- I'm not interested in sharing everything with everybody, especially if you haven't earned the place to ask about it. Does this make me any less crazy then my barking dog? I don't think so. And if I take this even closer to home, how many times do I bark when Duy asks me something that I don't want to talk about- the person I am closest too in all the world, the one who supports everything I want to do, loves me most- yup, I bark.

So I guess Timothy comes by it honestly, maybe he takes after his mother, and then again, maybe sometimes I am just a bitch.

Just Because You Can...

2008-11-21T09:29:00.001-08:00

I was listening to the news yesterday and scientist have found the DNA strain for the Wooly Mammoth. Yay! Oh wait, maybe not yay. They are talking seriously that this breed of gigantic hairy animal may one day be back in the food chain. Not sure what they will eat, not sure where they will live, well at the rate scientists tell us we are going, there won't be any arctic for them to live in anyway. Hmmm... there is something to be said for letting nature take its course. So I suppose, just because we can bring this giant mammoth animal back into food chain circulation, doesn't mean we should.
This got me thinking about marriage. Just because we can do something, say something, doesn't mean we should. I know sometimes it feels really good to just scream from the rooftops that you feel like you are cohabiting with a wholly mammoth, but should we? In my opinion yes, sometimes, not always. Think about the repercussions of what you are planning to do, think them over really well, and then make your decision, grab the ladder, climb to the highest point on your roof and scream it at the top of your lungs- again I said think about this, because the neighbours aren't going to remember that you feel like you live with a wholly mammoth, they are going to remember the crazy lady next door, and oh that poor husband of hers...

Wedding Bliss-ters.

2008-11-14T13:42:00.001-08:00

Some people look at Duy and I and think that what we have is amazing. I can't lie, most days, it is pretty amazing. I must interrupt myself with a giant BUT- it wasn't always that way, and it isn't always that way.

I remember the night before we got married, I was staying at the hotel with my family. I was so happy to have them there, sanity I thought (looking back, I now know better). Duy and I were living in Calgary when we decided to get married. He proposed in the most romantic way, under the bathroom door on a little piece of note paper, during a fight. I think he thought that it would make me unlock the bathroom door and come out. He was right. I came out, fight was over, but the turmoil that we dealt with was far from over. We decided to get married in Montreal. It was the half way distance between my parents and me, and Duy's hometown. My folks were living in Nova Scotia, and like I said, we were in Calgary. So off to Montreal we went. I was very excited leaving Calgary. I was going to come home a married woman and all would be better!

I laugh at myself now and think, Lord, how many band aids did I apply to my life? I am forever peeling them off and finding out that the issue underneath hasn't miraculously healed itself, but instead it is inflamed and in need of some serious attention. This was one of those issues. You see I though if I married Duy, I would be able to get rid of the guilt I felt, the hypocrisy I carried around. I was brought up in a very fundamentalist church setting. My dad was a minister, my mother in the church since she was 8 and then there was me. At about 17, I knew I believed a lot of what was being taught, but I was rather apathetic. That word completely explains where I was and what I was doing. I was searching for meaning, not just what my parents taught me, or what I had learned at camp, but true, serious meaning. What it means to be me, in this world we live in, not in some fantasy land where everyone and their dog wants to get saved, but in a real world, where most people don't think they need God. What did this mean for me? I had to decide if I needed God. So I thought, in the midst of everything I was dealing with at the tender age of 23, well if I marry Duy, which I knew I was going too, all of the guilty feelings will be gone. How wrong was I- I can't even begin to explain how wrong I was. It was a big band aid, the eventually needed to be ripped off and the wound had to be dealt with.

Back to the night before the wedding. This story is one that I have shared with some people and they just look at me with horror in their eyes, mouths open, and some- not all, oozing judgment. I can look beyond that now, life is messy, even their lives are messy. It just depends on whether or not you want to admit it.

We ended up in Montreal a week before the actual wedding day, I was elated to be in Montreal, I love this city. I was getting to go and see the flowers, check out the wedding details with Duy's Mother, who did most of the planning, and I am forever grateful to her for that, because if I had to plan the wedding, it most likely would not have occurred. One week, one , just one was all it took. One week for me to be crying the night before the wedding pleading with my mother to just take me home, lets get out of here. I don't want to marry him. I don't even like him, let alone want to spend the rest of my life with him. Please, lets just go. My mother, in all her wisdom spoke these words that I know all too well, "Melissa, we don't make decisions at night, if you feel the same way in the morning, we will discuss it then". That was the end of it, by the time our 8 am photo shoot, 10 am ceremony and 11am brunch was over, I remembered my meltdown. To little too late I guess. Best mistake I ever made.

So you see, not everything that is wonderful starts out wonderful. Duy in later years, told me he wouldn't have really cared if I had left or not the night before the wedding. He really didn't much like me either. Funny, I have to laugh, because if you were to ask either of us now, I think we might have something different to say.

Marriage 102

2008-11-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, so we have all read the pre-marriage books, the pending marriage books, the post marriage books, and have taken tidbits of information and tried to implement it into our daily life- hoping to solve the problem at hand. I am not saying this isn't a great idea, because I think it is, but is it reality? Will it actually make a difference in the future? Have I actually taken the time to figure it out, have I dug deep enough into the problem to find the root and deal with that, or did I merely stick a 'band-aid' on it and hope to God when I pull the 'band-aid' off that the issue has been resolved?
This blog is going to be about marriage. The true, un-edited, messy marriage, that so many of us are in, and can't figure out what to do next.

I am not saying that just because a marriage is messy, that it's on route to the dump. No way, every marriage has issues. Issues come and go, it is about how we deal with those issues that is the true measure of who we are, and where we will be in 25 years.

The best bit of information I was given when I got married was to ask yourself this question; "Will it matter in 25 years?" If the answer is yes, then the issue must be dealt with (and of course it depends on how you deal with it, whether or not you will make the 25 years- which is a real catch 22). I mean, does it really matter if the paint chip is cloud white, or alabaster white? in 25 years are you going to remember what colour you actually picked? This to me, seemed reasonable. Now on the other hand an issue along the lines of do you want kids- seems to hold a heck of a lot more weight - This will matter in 25 years. So now begins the fun, how are you planning to deal with it? The information stopped there... they gave no ideas, so I was left on my own, and that was probably one of the reasons, the road was a little rocky in the beginning. Just remember- don't threaten to throw yourself off the 2nd floor balcony - you won't die from the jump, but you might from the embarrassment that you will ultimately have to deal with, while your husbands rolls around the living room floor in fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Until next time. Hang in there. Marriage is all about the journey you are taking, and the person you are taking it with. I feel so amazingly blessed to be married to Duy, but I didn't always think that way... but I will save that for another day.

This Is NOT My Starter Marriage

2008-11-09T16:16:00.000-08:00

So listening to the hype of what is going on in our society, I was smacked in the face by something called a "Starter Marriage". What is a starter marriage you ask, don't worry, I asked myself too. So I checked around to find a definition that would make sense, and was delighted to find a beautiful Wiki answer to that very question. This is what Wikipedia had to say: A starter marriage is a first marriage that lasts five years or less and ends before the couple has children. The term, a play on the expression "Starter Home", appears as one of the footnotes in Douglas Coupland's 1991 novel Generation X.

It has become quite a phenomenon in North America. People "practicing" marriage before they decide to give it a good shot, and maybe make it work the second time around, or at least choose someone more compatible to raise children with. This has me confused- not that I don't see it as something interesting, but the idea of getting married knowing that it will most likely fail, doesn't quite interest me.

Duy and I have been married for 7 years- yes I know its the "Seven Year Itch" time. People tell us this all of the time, we choose not to even think about it, it just isn't an option. I guess you could say that Duy and I have created a little world in our heads that tells us that divorce isn't an option, so you had better make a good go of this marriage, or you are going to be miserable for life.

I'm not saying this is how it always goes. Duy and I duke it out, and sometimes I think it would be so much easier to walk away, but would it really be?
I remember the day when I decided to take the "what if?" out of the equation and actually become 100% present in my marriage. I had already been married for 3 years, things were good some days, and not so good some days. I would have to say, that if I had to put a percentage on it, we probably had about 55% good days, and about 45% bad days- that is cutting it pretty close- not too much excess is sitting on the good side. There wasn't exactly a lot of playing room. So one day we were seriously duking it out, I mean full swing, the gloves were off and I was going for blood. I was done, this was it, I wasn't living this way anymore, I was leaving- mind you, we were staying with his parents, and we were getting pretty close to the 4 month mark and he still hadn't shown any interest in moving out, no interest in looking for an apartment, a house, a car to live in, a box on the street- anything, anywhere but there. After having been married for 3 years, having your own home with your husband, and then moving across the country and moving into his old bedroom- well, lets just say, we are all lucky that there was no serious bloodshed. So back the this beautiful fight- off came the gloves, and the rings. I was done, I was out, walking away, throwing in the towel. Now what you need to know is that I love Duy more than anything, even then, I loved him more than I could stand, but the person he was when he was living in his parents house was not the person I knew and loved.

So... a lot of words were exchanged, heated, hateful and mean. Things neither of us can ever take back, I am sure we had to live with those words echoing in our ears, hearts and minds for many days, months and years to come. Anyway, at some point we actually decided to loved each other too much to let it go, we were dealing with a situation in light of the circumstances (living in his parents home), instead of dealing with the situation.

Once we stepped back and assessed what we were really talking about, it came into light, the shadows parted, and something unexpected slapped us each in the face. We were always carrying around our trump card, our "what if?". It was our way out, what if I just leave, what if I move out, what if I say its over? There was always a "what if" floating around in our heads. We hadn't actually made a commitment for life. We had to stop and reassess. I guess the more I read and write this, the more I understand the term "starter marriage". A Starter Marriage is a marriage where you hold on dearly to your "what if's?" You hold on to anything and everything that might come in handy when the situation becomes uncomfortable.

Marriage is uncomfortable, it is like being a contortionist in a circus. You are constantly bending a little to allow someone to be a little more of who they truly are. The only time that this becomes unbearable is when your partner isn't bending anymore. Duy and I are like a giant pretzel, we are all contorted in difficult and uncomfortable situations but we do it for each other. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue, or stop myself from judging, and bend a little bit more. The more I bend, the more flexible I become and the less uncomfortable the marriage is. I've learned to give a little, to sway a little, bend a little, and hopefully Duy is giving a little, swaying a little and bending a little too.

I love the term on divorce papers, "irreconcilable differences". Duy and I live and love daily through irreconcilable differences. We break them down into our 25 year rule. Will this actually matter in 25 years. If so, we discuss them and deal with them, if not, we pile them under the "whatever" category that we each have about the other... or in the "moronic" file. I mean, you can't just decide to change and manipulate your partner into being exactly what you think he ought to be. That isn't why I married Duy. If I wanted a puppet, I would have just bought one- seriously less messy than marriage.